Staff can build meaningful, trusting relationships with highly aggressive or explosive students without compromising safety, but it requires a deliberate, systems-oriented approach rather than relying on individual goodwill or charisma. Best practice is relationship-building that occurs during neutral or regulated moments. Relationship-building does not mean emotional exposure, unlimited tolerance, or physical proximity. Staff should aim to be calm, boundaried, and dependable, not reactive or rescuing. In addition, staff should be a predictable and regulated adult presence. 

First and foremost, always take care of yourself first. This involves maintaining a safe distance and staying aware of your surroundings, which is essential for feeling comfortable and keeping you and others safe. It is especially important when initially meeting the student. Even without a student's general history, this is always a good approach. Once working with a student you know is highly aggressive or explosive, keeping at least one arm's length away from them allows you to see their reactions to your conversation and gives you time to react. Position yourself near exits and avoid cornering students. Use neutral body language and a calm tone, and avoid power struggles or emotional mirroring. Overall, this approach also allows the student to have a safe boundary around themselves. 

If the student's history is known, be aware of their triggers to reduce the likelihood of “setting them off”. These triggers can be offset by clearly establishing rules and boundaries for the student. This helps the student understand the expectations for any given situation. Both of you can discuss and agree to these rules and boundaries, or, if necessary, set them as non-negotiables. Either way, you and the student need to understand and follow the rules and boundaries in every interaction. Keep expectations brief, concrete, and visible. Use consistent routines for transitions, corrections, and check-ins. Avoid last-minute changes unless absolutely necessary—and name them clearly when they occur. It provides the student with familiarity and stability. This can keep the student calm and relaxed while developing and building a relationship with the staff. Knowing the student’s triggers can help establish the rules and boundaries to present. Predictability reduces threat perception, which lowers the likelihood of explosive behavior. 

Regulated adults are the strongest de-escalation tool available. However, these skills are acquired through education and training. Training on stress responses and secondary stress exposure is vital for staff to recognize and engage with students who may have experienced a hardship that has caused them to become aggressive. These training sessions can provide more in-depth strategies to work with aggressive students. Staff should also have regular debriefs focused on impact rather than blame. This also helps staff discuss what occurred, why, and the next steps. Leadership modeling boundary-respecting behavior. This is the best way to teach others how to engage with aggressive students correctly, both in non-crisis and crisis situations.