Leading with Empathy and Presence

Douglas DeLaughter, MA — Edited by Richard Van Acker, EdD — 4 minute read
The education world changes focus often. Teaching in an elementary classroom setting for seventeen years, and then jumping into the principalship at another school, serving in that role for twenty-six years now, has taught me that. Yes, focus changes, but the most important part of the equation remains constant: people. Educators teach people, not curriculum. Of course, we teach math, reading, and the sciences, but if students aren’t in the seats (or on the other side of a computer screen), then teaching makes no sense. Leading a school where the socio-emotional health needs are your priority can get complicated if you lose your focus on the people with whom you spend your days.

Students come to school with varying levels of emotional baggage. Teachers face stressors that can burn them out, both professionally and emotionally. Principals and school leaders are no different. We have to take care of our students’ needs as well as the needs of our teachers and ourselves. It is imperative to keep your focus in sight at all times: people. We all have our roles to play, ensuring that students are properly educated in this ever-changing world. We wrestle with situations beyond our control that affect the emotions of those in our circle of influence, including home, technology, peer pressure, and apathy. Leading a building full of people dealing with all these pressures takes empathy and presence.
Yes, focus changes, but the most important part of the equation remains constant: people. Educators teach people, not curriculum. 
Douglas DeLaughter, MA 
School leaders need to be visible. Others need to know that you are at school for them, not sitting in an office all day completing paperwork, answering emails, and making phone calls. Teachers need to see you. Students need to see you. Greet teachers and students upon arrival. If needed, set a timer to ensure you spend time visiting classrooms, cafeterias, playgrounds, and hallway traffic areas throughout the day. Talk to the teachers and students. Get to know them. Learn their body language. Ask specific questions regarding them personally. Make sure you help with dismissal procedures regularly. Being visible means keeping your office door open and stopping your paperwork responsibilities to address students’ and/or teachers’ needs as they arise during the day.

Leading a school requires genuine empathy. Actively listen to your students, teachers, and parents. Actually be interested in what others say. Sometimes a smile is all someone needs. When words are too much or too little, just spend a few moments sitting by someone, letting them know that you are there for them if they need to talk. Have a box of tissues or your best joke handy. Often, a quiet, “How can I help you?” or some kind of short affirmation is all you need. People need to know you care about them.
Adults need to learn that “tapping out” isn’t a sign of weakness, but a recognition of help.
Douglas DeLaughter, MA
Create a positive relationship between home and school. Model it. Walk the talk. When you see families in the grocery store, don’t duck into another aisle, ditch your cart, and quickly exit the building, as tempting as it may be. Say hello. Shake a hand. Let them know it was nice to see them. Lie if you must. Keep lines of communication open with your school network. Attend local events outside of the school day unexpectedly. Be kind even when it’s difficult, but don’t allow yourself to become a doormat. Maintaining your role as a school leader also brings about a level of respect within your school network. If your families know that you care about them, you are likely to receive greater respect and “buy-in” when it comes to following school rules and procedures.

During the school day, students and teachers need to know that you are all a family. Yes, sometimes family members don’t agree with each other, but modeling proper ways to resolve conflict will carry great results throughout your building. A positive school environment creates a welcome environment you can “feel” even when you first walk into the office. Treating others with respect, from your youngest student to your oldest staff member, creates a family atmosphere that facilitates safety and security.
If your families know that you care about them, you are likely to receive greater respect and “buy-in” when it comes to following school rules and procedures.
Douglas DeLaughter, MA
Leading a school with growing socio-emotional health needs requires a loving structure. Students want structure, whether they believe it or not. A structure that can bend as pressure varies is healthy. Rules, procedures, and common practices are necessary. Knowing when to bend a rule, change a procedure, or understand that not all students can commonly practice anything is powerful. A structure that allows for individuality is a necessity at times, and at other times, a rule is a rule. The best school structure knows when to stand firm or bend a little.

School leaders in today’s world need to learn and embrace the concept of “tapping out.” Sometimes people just need a break, students and adults alike. “Tapping out” can be a simple, “I’m going to give you a minute and come back to you,” or it could be a personal, “I need a minute. Please excuse me. I’ll get back to you.” In a healthy school environment, adults can notice the psychological health needs of others and then feel comfortable saying, “I notice that you need a minute. Let me step in while you tap out for a little while.” Understanding that sometimes people get too involved and don’t pay attention to their own feelings. Leaders must create an atmosphere in which school family members take care of one another. Students can be taught this on a very basic level. Adults need to learn that “tapping out” isn’t a sign of weakness, but a recognition of help.

Leading a building with growing socio-emotional health needs can be overwhelming. Learning to prepare for differences, leaning on each other for support, and celebrating even the smallest of victories builds a school culture that fosters a sense of connection. When leaders understand that school is about people, understanding socio-emotional health needs becomes a top priority.
written by

Douglas DeLaughter 

Douglas DeLaughter is the Principal at Peifer Elementary School, located in Schererville, Indiana. He began his teaching career at Eads Elementary School in Munster in 1983, and taught students in 5th grade for 17 years. In the year 2000, Doug moved into the principalship at Peifer, where he has made his professional home ever since then. In 2007, and again in 2017, Doug was named Principal of the Year for their local District 1 in the state of Indiana. He is a certified School Safety Specialist, and serves on his state principal’s association (IASP) committee for Riley Children’s Hospital. Doug is a self-professed “Disnerd,” loving to learn whatever he can about all things Disney. Doug is also quite active in local theatre productions. Doug and his beautiful wife, Laura, actually met during a summer musical production. They are active members of their local church, and spend most of their evenings with their dog, Stella. The DeLaughter family is almost a complete educator family, with Laura’s background in preschool and early elementary education, and their daughter is an elementary school teacher. Their son works IT at the university of Chicago. Doug credits the amazing educators along his path with any success he experiences.