A Conversation About...

A Conversation about
Goal Setting and Accountability

Episode Description

To wrap up the month, Heather and Flora talk about what it means to stay present while looking ahead. With the new year around the corner, they dive into self-reflection, goal setting, and boundaries—not as a list of resolutions to check off, but as a way to make space for what really matters.
They share personal stories about saying no, making room to breathe, holding each other accountable, and finding flexible ways to reach goals without burning out. This episode is an honest reminder that being present—both for ourselves and the people we care about—takes intention, grace, and a willingness to adjust along the way.

Key Points and Takeaways

  • Self-reflection and setting boundaries are crucial for aligning goals with personal values and priorities.
  • Being present for others requires understanding their needs and adjusting one's approach accordingly.
  • Flexibility and grace are essential when setting and pursuing goals, as the path to success may change over time.
  • Accountability can be a powerful tool in achieving goals, but it is important to establish clear expectations and communicate effectively.
Podcast Guest

Flora Yao

Flora Yao is a content designer, online community host, and executive administrator with a focus on visual content creation, iterative coordination, graphic design, communications management, event marketing, and making ideas happen. Since the beginning of TLC, Flora has advanced to the role of executive administrator of Threshold Learning Consultancy and Secretary to the Board of Directors of TLC Nonprofit, drawing on her experience as an online store manager, product design contributor, social media manager, and housekeeping team leader. Outside of her professional work, Flora enjoys caring for early learners within her community and is an avid bird lover. She is a mixed-media artist with training in brand visuals and communications.
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Host: Heather Volchko

Guest: Flora Yao

All right. Well, this week is wrapping up a lot of those holiday parties and interactions and celebrations and kind of shifting to planning and thinking about the new year. So. Especially all throughout December. I feel like everywhere I look on social media, there is someone offering some planning or like a planner or some self reflection guide. There's just everything everywhere kind of closing out the year. So I thought it is fitting, but I think I'd like to have this last conversation focused on how we can actually be present in that planning. I think there's an aspect of that self reflection that we've really kind of hinted at all month underneath all of the conversations we've been having. And then there's also when we're planning and having these big ideas for what we would hope to come true in the upcoming calendar year or at least in the next season of life. Sometimes there is an aspect of still continuing to be present in the now while also continuing to be hopeful for where things may go in the future. I think there's a lot of things wrapped up into this week, for sure.

Yeah. And it's funny how everybody talks about New Year's resolution. New Year's resolution. And I don't think most people keep it, but next year, new Year's resolution. New Year's resolution. It's great.

Yeah. There's all these stats out there about some crazy tiny percentage of the population even make it to the end of January with resolutions. But I think that's why for me, it's more of just what are those future goals and then, how are you moving toward those? It doesn't have to be some kind of a massive change, but it's just are my choices aligning with heading wherever that may be?

Right? Yeah, it's a good point.

So how do we do that? Right. I think it starts with self reflection. I think we talked about when we were talking about emotional intelligence. That's part of me reading me, and that's internal work. So I think kicking off all of this planning and those hopes for what's to come does kind of start with where am I at? For me, I've got different tools that I'll use at different seasons that will help me just sort of be more objective and walking through what it is that I'm experiencing in my life and kind of give me a little bit of a pulse on where I probably should actually put some more attention because I'm not being present in those areas where in maybe some other areas I'm well off the charts and doing completely fine.

But just engaging in that self reflection has really helped me make sure that I'm not just reacting or responding to whatever it is that I'm feeling and then setting up these what's next? Kind of thoughts from just the right now, but truly taking kind of an inventory, if you will, and walking through what that means for me as a person, that's been really helpful to kind of figure out, well, then what's next?

Right? Yeah. We'll sit down and we'll say, well, maybe this was working with my chores and this was working with my gym and this wasn't working with this. But often we don't think to sit down and brush up our boundaries. How are my boundaries this year? And what have I learned? What can I strengthen? What do I need to strengthen? Whether it be with people with your job, what do I do in my spare time?

What worked, what didn't? That's something I've started doing these last couple of years. Maybe not my New Year's resolution, but a couple of times a year, I have to really think, have I been sticking to the boundaries I put up even? And that definitely will come into what you were saying with where am I at and how am I doing? Boundaries is such a huge one. Such a huge one.

Yeah, I have a friend who part of their end of year is what are they going to say no to more next year? And then it's kind of like, did that stick? Did it need to stick? Maybe it was just where they were at in the winter season and then other life things change and so it's not really as big a deal, but they walk into next year not with a list of things to do, but with a list of things not to do. Like, I'm not going to overextend myself in these ways or whatever it is. And I think that's speaking to what you're calling boundaries right when I say no, I'm drawing a boundary. Right? When I say yes to something, I'm also saying no to something else.

And that just kind of is what it is. So instead of putting more and more and more and more and more here's all the things that I'm going to accomplish on top of all the things that I'm already doing, where can we say, actually, I just need to say no to this. We just need to cut that out or make it less of a priority or handle it differently. Right.

Right. With what you were saying, if your life is a bucket, you can't keep putting stuff on top of an already full bucket that some things have to come out and be moved around to make other things fit. And you still need space to breathe, right? Forget that. Leave some space at the top of your bucket so you can breathe and have time to yourself. And that works on a professional level as well. If you have so many classrooms you're working in and then you want to take on this and take on that and take on family stuff and take on this, you don't have the space.

And so if we're looking at it as a bucket, we really have to evaluate what in here can go. Like you were saying, what am I going to say no to? What can go, what needs to go? Because some things should not be there and are really unhealthy and sometimes we don't want to look at that or deal with that. But yeah, what needs to come out, what needs to go in, because some things take priority over others this year or this upcoming year that didn't last year, maybe you've moved or there's different people in your life or a different job and there's different priorities.

We're growing all the time. We should be growing and moving forward all the time. And so what you need or want or what's good for you and all that, that's going to change. So we do need to take time every now and again to think about that and reflect on that and do some housekeeping, as it were.


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We do need to take time every now and again to think about that and reflect on that and do some housekeeping, as it were.

FLORA YAO

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Yeah, I don't know, coming out of such a chaotic season and also kind of if you have some history of maybe resolutions not turning out so well or also have a history of, well, what I hope for just doesn't happen anyway, right. It's not worth even putting some of those things out there. I think it can be really hard this time of year to create those future hopes and talk about goals or where I want to be or things that I want to have change in my life if I don't see change as a possibility for myself, not even big change, like little things.

I think sometimes the self reflection can be helpful to figure out where we're at. But I know I have some people in my life that then it's really hard to shift from where I'm at to where I could be. And I know in education that is super huge because there's just responsibility upon responsibility that is constantly coming and it feels like there's all of these directives and mandates and that's not even just from a building leader to educator level, that's from the federal level. There's always new mandates and new got to dos and don't dos. It's constantly changing and there's just a ton of it.

Right, but I think something I did as an educator is that I would actually use winter break to do kind of a keep it or toss it. I have things that I need to do. Can I do it but do it in a different way? I need to keep it. I'm mandated to keep this, but I'm not mandated to keep it in this way. So can I get creative with adjusting how I accomplish something so that I can still continue to do what I'm supposed to be doing, but doing it in a way that's better for me, better for my students, just nudging adjusting those practices?

I actually used to do that quarterly at the secondary level. So every quarter, we'd kind of have a reset, and I would block that weekend and do kind of, where are we at? What do we need to adjust? And we'd have a conversation. The first day of the new quarter was, here's what I'm thinking, here's what I experienced. What did you experience? And it was like a day that we just used for reflection in each of my classes to have kind of that keep it or toss it. What worked for you? Cool. Let's keep that. Let's make that keep happening.

And what didn't work for you? Well, if we can't toss it well, how can we do it differently so that since we have to keep it, we can keep it, but then we can do it in a way that would maybe be less on our toss it list. But of course, there's always those things that we're all like, we just want to toss it, we're done. And we're like, okay, well, at least we're all in agreement. We're going to get through this together, right?

Yeah.

Okay. It's nice to be on the same page of kind of seeing where we're at in our current moment and being able to make those adjustments. But this whole month, we've been focused on being present. Right. So it's being present in the now, and how can I position myself if it's how I'm caring for myself, how I'm scheduling and holding boundaries for where my time is going or what types of commitments I am choosing to take on or not?

But all of this is for me personally. I'm kind of looking at this going, can I actually build part of my goals to allow me to be present? I'm wondering if there's any way that I don't know, is there, like, a sticky way that you kind of make sense of I'm just going to stop talking because I'm not making any sense right now.

So we've taken good care of ourselves with boundaries and everything. And so how can we tie that into kind of we are capable? Remember how we talked about can't pour from an empty cup? So if our cup is full, we've got these good goals set and these boundaries in place. And so what are some ways that we can kind of put that into being present for other people now that we are capable ourselves of being present? And how would we put that into being present for others?

Yeah, I think part of that what's coming up for me is somewhat being mindful about what commitments I choose to take on and which commitments I choose not to. But I think that comes from my goals are who or what am I prioritizing? And so if there's a certain relationship or just something that I'm accountable for right. Like if whatever that may be and that's going to be a priority, well, then whatever allows me to be present for that then becomes those answers.

Because the goal is being present for person whatever. Like if there's a workplace responsibility or some accomplishment that I'm working toward, that's the priority. Well, to accomplish it, I need to actually be present in whatever it is that's leading up to that outcome, even if it's just maintaining a relationship. Right. So I think then for me, some of those action pieces are aligning my yeses and no's around those priorities so that those goals can then actually occur.

That's good. Yeah. I have a friend that we've started getting together once a week to just talk about specific things, but then it also opens up that space to where we can talk about what's going on in our lives. So it's like a tentative, like, we're going to talk about this specifically, but how are you doing and what's been going on? And that has really helped our relationship, helped us get to know each other better. And having that space open for me and her to get together has I lost it.

So having that space open for you and her?

Mmhmm, yeah. So our goal in getting together was not to build a friendship, but that's what ended up happening. And so I see that worked so well with me and her based on our personalities and our interactions and just who we are, that might not work so well for someone else. So for someone else, we might have to actually go out and do something together. And so I need to make that space to be present.

But also because I'm an introvert, I need that time to prepare. I think we talked about that was that last week? We talked about preparing yourself mentally for that and just having someone over and just sitting at home sharing a meal and talking is like how I bond with people, but I have to also pay attention and realize that that's not how everybody bonds. So maybe we go to the mall and window shop or something, and that's how that person bonds.

And I can take the time to do that. But I also need to, like we were saying, with boundaries. I need to make sure that I get some of that sitting at home alone time, too, so that I can be present for that. But I am willing to meet people where they're comfortable and not always introvert and let's just stay at home and talk. I'm willing to go out and do things that other people are more comfortable with and help them and be present for them in that instead of it just always being about me.

I think that's a big part of being present, too, is being open to being present in a way that someone else needs you to be. Have we talked about that?

I think we did a little bit, maybe in the second week. But I think that aligns really well with goal setting. Right. Because in order for me to set a goal well, I need to be able to know all the nuances that we've been talking about all month by being present, quite honestly, sometimes we may create goals that are not attainable or not realistic or it's just not going to happen. And if that's us being overly optimistic or it's maybe something that's going to involve other people and it's not their thing, then this goal is not going anywhere.

Right, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. My husband and I made it a point to start doing intentional dates once a month. That's a goal that we started. And I think we talked about discipline a little earlier, but it takes some discipline to make that turn into a habit. And it is now a habit of every month we have an intentional time that we spend together, just us lay the phones down or whatever, having that goal of maybe with friends or with people you work with to get to know them better, it does take some discipline and it takes some time.

You don't just form a habit immediately. It takes some work and a couple of times of trial and error to get it just right. And so I think in goal setting, that's something we shouldn't be afraid of, of failing, first of all, and then also having, what do you want to call it? Like an awkward start. My husband works in a gym and he's vamping up for January when all the people are coming in. He says that dies off, like beginning of mid February.

But if I was going to set a goal for going to the gym, it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable starting and like, oh, my muscles aren't used to this, that kind of thing. But you got to keep at it and maybe have somebody with more expertise come in and help you. That's what he does as a trainer, have somebody come in and help you, what goal do you have? And let me help you get there. What steps need to be taken to get there?

So an awkward start doesn't mean it's not for you and you should just stop. But like you had said a little bit early earlier, like readjusting, to be able to get to the goal.

Yeah, but I think what you're talking about is there's a bit of grace that we have to give ourselves to set a goal that then may not happen. And it's okay if it doesn't happen. Like, did we get closer? Did we move in the right direction? Okay, cool. But I think you're also speaking to, well, you set a goal, but am I resourced as a person to be able to meet that goal? Right? Maybe I do need someone else who knows more and can guide me in this direction or whatever.

Or maybe I just need someone to be like, hey, can you check in on me? Because I'm not going to prioritize this goal. I need to, but I'm not going to. So can you just be a pain in the butt and ask me questions about it? So I go, all right, that is important to me. I need to shift those priorities so that this goal can actually be accomplished.

Yeah, I agree. Accountability is a big part of goal setting. I completely agree with you. It might be one person, it might be a couple of people, it might be putting up notes and putting reminders on your phone can even be like a good accountability thing. But yeah, I agree with you.

Yeah, we used to leave little reminders in my classroom for each other with little things that we were working on. And so I actually had a student, I'll share this story, it was taken all in good heart amongst our team because our team was super solid and a student had noticed that one of my paras was being a little bit harsh toward another student in class. And they wrote them a little reminder of being nice to so and so on a sticky note and stuck it on that paras. I think she used like a notebook or clipboard, I don't remember anymore, but put it on her stuff as like a hey, hint, hint reminder.

But we used to do those things all over our classroom. If it was anything from a reminder at the door to pause and get permission, right? Or if it was like, hey, remember to call on five kids as part of this lesson that I'm working on. But we had little sticky note reminders all scattered all over the place for different things and it would kind of EB and flow, right? Like different people need different reminders at different points in time. But I thought that was really sweet. Like a kid decided, hey, I noticed something you need to work on and I'm going to give you a reminder.

Here yeah, that's cool. That makes me think of how if you have those signs up and stuff that it doesn't have to be exact like calling five students, you can begin to figure out what works for you. Which also makes me think about how some other people's goals aren't always going to work as your goals. And that exactly is a thing because you can feel very pressured to go along and have a common goal as someone else. But you're two extremely different people and what works for them is not always going to work for you, but maybe even you have the same end goal, but the way you get there is not going to look the same. Some people take the stairs and some people take the escalator, but you're going to get to the same spot, so there's no shame in that at all.

But figuring out what works for you and adjusting and not feeling ashamed or pressured by anybody to get there a certain way, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I think that can be really hard, especially for people who are very goal driven or goal oriented and wanting this specific outcome. For me, I'm a goal person. I'm a person that has kind of an end in mind. But I don't know, maybe it's my special education training. I am very flexible with how we get there. So I'm not a micromanager. I work quite poorly with people who need that style management because it's more like, well, here's where we're going, let me know how I can help you get there. Right.

And then try all the different strategies. And I'm totally okay to toss anything that's not working and let's revamp this and let's try this another angle. Oh, that didn't work out as well. We're not getting in the direction that we want it to go. So for me, the process is totally fluid. But, for example, I've got other people in my life who are also incredibly goal oriented, but their version of being goal oriented is having this lockstep progression on how they're going to get there and then they can get really frustrated and either burnout or toss the whole goal or that kind of thing. When they're so locked into kind of the step by step of attaining that goal.

So I love that you're kind of putting out there, hey, no, it's okay. If you have walked in that progression toward that goal, that's a win. Likewise, if you took five zillion different ways to get there, you still got there, right? Either way, good on you. And there's so much flexibility and grace in what that could look like.

So I'm curious what you think about if someone asks us to be their accountability person in their goal. Is that a way to be present for someone else?

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Some people take the stairs and some people take the escalator, but you're going to get to the same spot, so there's no shame in that at all.

FLORA YAO

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Oh, I like that. It's funny because when you were asking that question, the first thought that came to mind is we used to do goal setting with my students, especially around their IEPs. They would have their annual reviews would come up and all their paperwork would be updated. And all of the Individualized Education Plan, it includes specific goals that they're working on, and so we would talk about those. But are there other goals that you think you should be working on or that you would like help with?

Because it's not a matter of, like, it's hard for you, so you should work on it. It's what can people help you get better at? What are you noticing that you're struggling with? And then can we build that into part of your plan so that then you can hold your support people accountable to providing you the help that you need so that you can accomplish the goals that you have? But something that we used to do is say, I don't need to be that person for everybody.

Right. It's as a student, as a person, we get to pick who it is that is supportive in the ways that we need them to be supportive like that. I need support. I can pick that in my world. So I did that with my students, and I do that in my own life, is I'll ask different people, hey, can you show up for me in this way? Or I'll ask students who can show up for you in that way. Right. Like, I hear the need.

I'm seeing what you're talking about. Given what's around you, how can we make that happen? Yeah, I think part of that is acknowledging who has a history of being present for us and who will show up and actually be there. I think that's probably part of what we're filtering is going as, I think, through my people, and I'm going to ask someone to support me in this thing, who has supported me, who has been supportive, who has shown up and really walked with me, then those would probably be higher on my list. If just them demonstrating good presence will make them a go to person for me.

That's great, and I'd also love to hear your thoughts on it. Sounds like it's important when you want to be present for someone in that accountability area, how much involvement they want, not how much involvement you think you should have. Hey, so you want me to be your accountability partner or whatever? Do you want me to check in with you once a week and just say, hey, how's this going? Or do you want me to come over to your house and do this thing with you or call you up on the phone and we can talk about what you accomplished this week?

How do you think that would work for each person? Because everybody's different.

Yeah, I'm actually thinking of a conversation that we just had. It was a tense case conference, and there was some conversation about service provision, so how different services were going to be offered because the student wasn't really accessing them and of course then weren't meeting their goals. They weren't making as much progress as the team had been hoping for. And part of that conversation was, can we shift up how we're doing stuff? So instead of doing a half hour a week or an hour a month, can we look at doing five or ten minutes a day?

Right? So can we just adjust our approach and see if then we can get some different engagement? Right? I think that's also true. When we're setting goals, we can approach accomplishing that goal different ways and that may change over time too. So I may be going to you and saying, hey, here's my goal, here's where I want to go. Can you help me get there? And here's how works for me. This is what I would like from you. Likewise, you could ask me questions. Okay, cool, I'm in.

How can I support you? Or do you want this, do you want that? I think there's also some reality that sometimes then it just doesn't work right? Either the goal has sort of adjusted or the approach is going to be different. And so now I need a different kind of support. So sometimes it's not like in that kind of accountability situation, it's not like something has gone wrong. It's just well, the target has moved. And so now maybe that's not the best dynamic either approach and just shift the approach or sometimes I've just shifted people where it's not like zero Personal had nothing to do with anything was wrong in that dynamic. It was literally just the goal shifted and someone else is going to be a better support for this moment.

And I've done that both professionally, personally. I have different people that I go to for different things in my life. And as my life ebbs and flows, more people or certain people get more from me in terms of asking for some guidance or thoughts and then it kind of shifts back and other people are like, hey, catch me up on these things, right? But I think all of that is part of getting that bigger picture to kind of come to fruition in whatever way.

But all the different nuances that go into that between the goal itself, all the steps and paths that we're taking to get there, the people that are supporting us as we're getting there, and just kind of that wisdom and guidance that we allow ourselves to receive as kind of part of that process.

It sounds like if someone wants our help with their goal, we have to make it a goal to help them with their goal. Just so we can make sure that we prioritize things so that we can be present for them in the way that they need and not be an empty cup so that we can't pour into them when they need it. So. That's a good point.

That's so fair. And quite honestly, I think we'll just call that a wrap. Right? Like, here we are at the end of the month, with so many different aspects of being present, it can both undermine and fuel so many different things. So thank you so much for taking this month and having these conversations with me. I've enjoyed it.

Hey, me too. These were good chats.


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