Host: Heather Volchko
Guests: Ann Potter and Miss Makayla
All right, well, welcome, welcome. This month is all about growth. So everything that is focused about us growing, growing in our careers, in our lives, with other people, helping other people grow, we’re kind of hitting it from all angles. And I’m super excited because this month I have two guests and we kind of bookend the whole life thing, and it’s kind of been fun having these conversations together, and we get to share it with you now.
So I have got Miss Makayla and Ann Potter with me. So Miss Makayla is currently a student, and so she is getting ready for the big middle school transition, leaving elementary behind and moving on. And so she has got all kinds of fun thoughts about just how she’s making sense of the world and kind of seeing school from the student side. And then we’ve also got Ann Potter. She is our instructional coach for early learners, and she has done a whole bunch of different things in her professional career, and is now enjoying the retirement side of her career as well. So this is going to be a super fun conversation all month, talking about all things growth. And to kick it off, we’re going to start talking about personal growth because, yes, we can do things that are all fancy and formal and professional, but it really comes from us to begin with.
So, kicking us off, ladies, what are you thinking when I say personal growth? What are some of those first things that come to mind?
Ann: Why do I get up every morning? So, with personal growth, it’s if I got up every morning and did the same thing every day without looking forward to something different and engaging, I would take extra-long snooze buttons. And there have been points in my career where I have hit the snooze button three or four times, going, yeah, no. And then discover some new facet of what’s coming next. And then the snooze button gets less and less attention.
Ann: But personal growth, for me, is what keeps it interesting.
Makayla: I think personal growth is like when you grow up and see the progress and things you’ve learned during your years of growing up. So that’s personal progress for me.
I love that because that’s, like, day to day even, right? Like what you’re talking about. Both of you are saying, How do I see where I am now? And how do I see where I was yesterday, and kind of what is getting me to go try something again? And let’s give this another shot today. And that’s a very personal choice, right? Even from just getting up in the morning to figuring out, like, can I even do what I think I can do?
Ann: Or how do I get to the point where I can do the thing I think I want to do and then ultimately figure out whether I really wanted to do that or not, and then move on and change something else?
Can you talk a little bit more about that?
Ann: Progressing through different jobs, I’ve had some of them I didn’t stay long enough to call a career, but I passed through thought, I think I want to try doing that. And then I wound up being able to and went, yeah, no, this is not what I want to do. Had a chance to work with adult learners for a period of time and got what many would consider to be a dream job. And I went, oh, ya no. Did it for about a year and a half, two years, when I was on that track that said, okay, this is where I can be.
And went, I hate doing this. All right, so I tried it, hated it, and then could move on without ever in the future going, gee, I wonder if I should have. So. Thought I wanted to, gave it a shot, went, yeah, no, don’t want this. And now I can move on. And in looking in hindsight, no regrets at all, because there’s no, gee, I wonder what would have happened if I had. Well, I did. Didn’t like it. Check the box.Moving on.
I think, Makayla, in school, you have a chance to try all kinds of different things, and as long as I’ve known you, sometimes things are your thing and you’re enjoying it, and then a few months later or next year later, you’re like, oh, this is horrible. I don’t like this. Right. So, like, you get to try all these things and have all these thoughts while you’re exploring.
Makayla: Yeah. In school, I’ve been experiencing more, but I’ve been joining a little bit more clubs and stuff. And sometimes I’m just kind of like, I went to soccer club, and I did enjoy that. So that was good.
Ann: So put that on the do-over list.
Makayla: Yeah.
And I think I’ve tried things and liked it, and then I get bored with it, or I’ve tried things and I didn’t like it. And then later in life tried it again, and I’m like, oh, I kind of like it now, right? So kind of changes too, with different seasons or different things that’s going on in life. I think for me, that’s how different seasons are going to bring up different things. So even if it’s something I’ve tried before, and I’m like, that’s not for me.
I’m not even fully against not trying it again later because I’ve had friend groups change, and I played a board game with one friend group, and it was horrible. And then played the same board game with a different friend group, and it was fine. So it’s like, maybe the situation is different, or maybe I’m just seeing it different, right? Like I’ve grown and I’ve changed in the middle of it. So when we’re talking about personal goals, we’re kind of talking about what we’re doing, but it also kind of comes back to us.
So, how do you decide what’s good for you as a person? Right? Like, I have things to kind of sit with me, and that’s like, yes, that’s me, that’s who I am, and I’m okay with doing these things or acting this way. And then I also have things in my life that’s like, no, I’m not okay with that. That’s not who I am. That’s not what I want to be. But that kind of comes from some personal decision-making. So, for you, how do you make those decisions in what sits with you as a person and what you’re kind of like, no, that’s not for me.
Ann: Well, some of that, in effect, changes over time, because being in that retired zone, there’s a lot of history, and I have been at very different points at time, at different spots in my life. As a 20-something on my own, single, traipsing around the country in a consultancy role, working my cajones off to meet the particular tech deadlines was something I could do in my twenties. But having done that for several years, you hit burnout and was just exhausted from the 80 hours, weeks, very self-satisfied from turning out product.
Customers liked it, it’s a very successful end product, but the effort and the exhaustion to get there just wound up burned out. There’s no way I could have done that had I had a family. So as then life shifts change and then family becomes involved, then you’ve got a different set of parameters to work with. And I was really fortunate that when I made some career changes and had a two-year span of time that was just an “you’ve got to be kidding me. You have lost your mind” kind of schedule.
I had at that point a supportive family network that would allow me to do that and then coming out the other side of it, then there’s all sorts of other balanced family, work life, job hunting life. What scud jobs do you do in the interim to get from where you are to where you want to be? And a lot of that, for me, I was incredibly fortunate to have a solid support network that allowed juggling of this, that, the other thing, and everything to happen in order to keep things interesting.
And now, as a retiree, there’s still a bunch of juggling going on as it’s. So, what do I do now that keep life interesting? And, yeah, there’s an electronic calendar, there’s a paper calendar, there’s coordination, and there’s a, okay, where am I going to be when? Oh, yeah, I can do that. Let’s go play. And that play could be with work, and that play could be with family, and could be with things in the community.
But it’s a matter of what gives you that slot of joy that says, go run for it. And if I don’t have the skills to run in the lane I want to run, then you start doing the research that says, okay, how do I get the skills that allow me to get into the lane? I think I want to run in, and hopefully I really want to run there.
I love what you’re saying because you’re talking about kind of the big pieces, like those big steps, but you’re also talking about the people around you, right? Like, we’re going to talk about that later this month, too, where it’s like that support network that we can either be for other people or that we need for ourselves. And then you’re also kind of talking about that professional side of things, right? Like, I love that you now get to pick.
I think Miss Makayla and I are over here going “the dream!”, right? Like, to be able to pick. Do we work? Do we go to school? Do we do the nine-to-five in whatever way that shows up for us? Or we can just not. We could just go travel or explore, or hang out, or like what? This is the dream. You thinking that, Makayla?
Makayla: Yeah, very much.
Ann: Even when I was still in the classroom, there was one teacher I worked with. She was such a sweetheart and such an incredible teacher. We would chat about what was going on, and then she would go, I want to be Ann Potter when I grow up.
Gosh. So, Makayla, what does this look like for you? Right. Like, you’ve got friends around you, you’ve got adults around you. How do you pick what sits with you as a person and you’re good with, and what are you like, no, that’s not me.
Makayla: Well, in school, I’ve had a lot of friends, and it was kind of getting to know them and stuff, and then realizing, oh, some of the things they’re doing, that does not sit right with me. So just kind of getting to know people, too, and hanging out with them, seeing what it’s like being with them, and things like that. And also with being with you guys, like, seeing your perspectives in life and stuff.
So that’s pretty cool. And getting to learn new things and stuff. And learning how to think and stuff. I think that is how I would see what sits with me and stuff.
And I think you’ve got a really great gut check where you’re in a situation or trying to make sense of something that’s going on, and you’re kind of like, This doesn’t feel right. And I think it’s really hard to put words to each of us as people. How do we make that decision? What is that thing that does it for us that says, yes, that’s good? I’m okay with that. And then there are those things that just don’t.
Sometimes we can put words to it, and sometimes it’s just like. It just doesn’t feel right.
Makayla: Yeah. Sometimes I would hang out with a group of people, and they’ll be like, let’s go do something. And maybe I just like, maybe you guys shouldn’t do that. It might be dangerous or it’s just, like, a lot because in elementary school, there’s a lot of things that are going on right now. They put smoke detectors in our bathroom, and it was just like, whoa. A lot of girls have been getting caught doing vaping and stuff in the bathroom, and that’s just not something I would do because that’s just wrong. And to me, that would be considered hurting yourself in a way. But we all make our choices at this point.
I think you’re making that choice, right? You’re saying, I think that this choice has this consequence or this outcome, right? It’s not even, like, a bad consequence, but just has an outcome that I might not want for myself, right? So if it does that to your body, I don’t want that to do that to my body. And so I make a different choice.
Makayla: Yeah. That’s like, how I put things.
Yeah, but I mean, that makes a ton of sense, right? And I think knowing kind of all three of our lives, we’ve definitely been in those moments or those situations where we kind of have the, like, that’s not okay kind of reaction, and it’s kind of how we walk through that reaction is part of kind of like, who we are and what we do. So do you have any tips or tricks or thoughts about when you kind of come into that moment that you’re like, oh, that doesn’t sit with me.
I’m not okay with this. How do you deal with that? How do you make sense of it yourself or how do you communicate to other people that, no, that’s not for me. How does that work for you guys?
Ann: Well, as a mom, one of the things I’ve always done with my kids and then extended that to my extended kid group, when it came to dealing with peer pressure, it seems for whatever reason, peers do not respond well to the “I just don’t want to do that. It’s not my thing.” And then they’re all, “well, come on, come on, come on”. But if instead you use the language that says, “Oh, man, if I did that, my mom would be so upset with me”, then for whatever reason, the peers back off.
So I always called that my mom excuse that said, if you are ever in a peer pressure situation and you just don’t want to do it, and the group is not accepting that, throw the mom excuse at it. And I’ve used it with my extended kid group, and every now and again, they’ll come back and say, “Mrs. Potter, I used the mom excuse, and it worked.” So again, I have no understanding of why peers are understanding that your mom would be really upset, but not really respectful that you would be upset, but whatever tools and techniques you have that support you in the decisions you’re making, pull them all out of your hat and use them all.
Makayla: I think with me, it’s like I try to reason with them or try to get, why do you think this might be right, and stuff? So just ask them, Why do you want to do this? Why do you think this is pretty good for you or something? And if they want me to do it, well, I’m just going to keep declining, and then I’m going to be like, well, y’all can do it, but I’m not going to do it. That’s like you guys, but I’m not about to do something that I know is just not for me.
But I mean, to your credit, though. There are grown adults that really struggle with saying, I know you really want me to, and you keep asking, and I’m still going to say no. There’s a lot of adults that really struggle with that. So for you to kind of say, like, okay, well, I might not agree with you, but I at least want to understand why do you think this is okay, right? And you’re asking those questions of, you tell me why you’re making this choice. That’s super grown-up.
And then when you’re like, okay, I get it, and I’m still not interested, and you’re like, that’s for you, not for me. That’s super grown-up, too. There’s a lot of people that would, I mean, much, much older than you would really struggle even to ask those questions. First of all, right? I think one of the things we talked about in February was, like, compassionate care and crisis, and how do we deal with conflict, and how do we even extend compassion to people that we disagree with or we don’t maybe like the choices they’re making, that kind of thing, right?
And that’s hard. It is really hard to say, I disagree with you. I don’t like the choices you’re making, and I especially don’t like that you’re trying to make me make those choices. But I’m still going to choose to try to figure out, like, well, why are you recommending these things? Why do you want me to do these things? That’s hard to extend that compassion and to see that person, to try to see that person in the way that they’re seeing themselves, and then still be like, cool. You make a lot more sense to me now. And I’m still good. Like, that’s so grown up.
Ann: As in, there are lots of grown-ups who do not have that skill.
Yeah. So I love, Makayla, that you’re just like, yeah. I mean, I ask them, so I learn about them, and then I say, no, I’m still good. I love that. That’s so cool. So if we’re talking about kind of ourselves and what sits with us, and that also is kind of then putting us in some of those situations that maybe have some conflict or some disagreements, I have found in my life that sometimes those points of conflict are kind of changing points for myself, too.
If that’s either, like, my friend group changes or even my workplace changes. There’s some tension and so then there’s some choices that are made around those tensions. But I think then looking back in that conflict or in that kind of challenge, I learned and I grew and I became a different person because I had to walk through it in a way that I’m coming out on the other side different than where I started.
So I think when we’re talking about, like, oh, we started the conversation, where do we want to go? What do we want to do? Who do we want to be? Right? Well, I think part of that is walking through hard stuff and making those choices, and kind of we become those culmination of all those choices over time. So, for you, do you have any of those kinds of growth moments for you that’s sticking out that actually came from a really hard thing? You don’t have to share the hard thing, but was there something in your life that’s kind of standing out of, like, that was a hard thing to walk through, but looking back, I’m actually kind of a better person now because of.
Ann: It. In many respects, I tend to be a go-with-the-flow individual. There’s very seldom that somebody pushes me to the point where I go, I’m just done, I am over this, I am finished, kaput. Or taking a really strong position of, yes, this is what I think, and no, I’m not pushing back. I’m much more willing, typically, to compromise and give and take on whatever’s going on. That has its advantages in that you become known as a very strong team player, but it also has its disadvantages, then that says, oh, yeah, we’ll just go to her and she’ll take care of whatever it is we need.
At one point in time, I had a situation where an individual, with whom I’d always been just, yeah, whatever, go with the flow, for me, crossed the line, and I went, No, we are done here. I will no longer be the ultimate compromise. And as a consequence, I got much better at being assertive and saying, No, I’m not okay with just going with the flow here. This is the direction I think we need to go. And then was much stronger in putting together my reasons and my justifications for the direction I wanted to go, so that at the end of the day, even in that moment when I was so incredibly hot and angry and I don’t usually go there, coming out the other side, it was okay, I’ve got more skill now in being able to very clearly state this direction is not okay. This is why.And being much more of a self-advocate.
Makayla: I think, for me, is, like being able to talk to more people about what’s on my mind and stuff. So instead of keeping emotions to myself, it’s more helpful letting them out and stuff and being able to talk to people and placing my opinions and stuff, like thinking what I think it might be right or maybe what might help it or something like the situation. Yeah, that’s what for me, it has helped.
I love that you’re talking about people around you, too, right? We’re going to talk about that in even more depth, kind of toward the end of the month. But it’s like, well, for me to be able to walk through this thing that is maybe hard or I’m not sure about, I’m kind of relying on other people. So I’m curious for you, what does it look like? Who’s a person that you go to that’s like, that’s someone I trust.
That’s an opinion that I want to hear or it’s a thought that I trust to kind of guide my thinking, right? Because you’re talking about going to people to kind of help you think about your thinking, right? Or versus there’s other people that you’re like, I don’t think I want their opinion or I don’t think I value kind of how they would give feedback on what I’m asking them about. In your life, how do you make those choices?
Makayla: I think it’s like people who I’m more close with or have kind of an understanding of what’s been going on, maybe someone who might have gone something similar through something similar or have seen it happen before, I think that’s the people that I get their opinions on and their thoughts on, too. But if it’s like someone who doesn’t even know what happened and just always just throws other things around and doesn’t make sense of it and stuff, those are the people that I wouldn’t go to, but maybe someone who can help other people or have seen the situation or have been through the situation, those are the people I would ask their opinions on.
That’s cool. And I think it probably, I don’t know, Ann, correct me if I’m wrong, but kind of stays that way in different points in life that we’re kind of like, yeah, I think you get it. You understand what I’m trying to make sense of. And so I want to see how you make sense of those things.
Makayla: Yeah, for sure.
Ann: And both professionally and within the family.
As you get to know people, you can get a read on somebody who may have been there, done that, and you can seek some guidance on, “so I’m aware of this particular thing in your life. I’ve got something similar going on now. How did you navigate it? Can you help me look at the situation one way or another to help me in my decision-making process?”
Yeah. I think that’s one of the cool things around TLC, is that we can all get into these moments where we’re like, “I don’t really know. I haven’t walked through this before, or this is different for me, or, I know you’ve been through this. Am I going through this the same way you’re going through this?” and being able to rely on each other? Right? I think all three of us have reached out to each other in different kinds of ways for different kinds of things because it’s like, oh, you have that experience.
Oh, you have this thought, like, oh, let me learn from that. You’ve been there, done that. Can you help me walk through that, too? But I think it’s really neat to be able to be in a group of people that then you can kind of see their own growth, like what, whatever they’ve walked through, and be like, oh, they can walk with me through this, too.
Very cool. All right, well, I think we’re going to wrap it up there for this week, and we’ll pick it up next week. Thanks for joining me.
